Give My Love to Melania

Dear Donald,

I hope you don't mind if I call you Donald - I figure that if I'm going to be advising you EVERY DAY, we should probably get ourselves on a first name basis. Anyway, it’s Sunday - nobody wants advice on a Sunday. Tomorrow we’re going to talk about education, but for today, I just want to give you some support. You’re the President-Elect, Donald – but not everyone is happy about that. People will do and say lots of things to try to drag you down. They’ll even target your family. I’ve been seeing a LOT of images of Melania on social media lately, mostly posted by your opponents, and I’m really disturbed by message behind them. I bet that you are too, and I’m truly sorry for any pain they’re causing you.

So it seems that Melania has been a model, and that she has at least on occasion posed nude. Believe it or not, I didn’t know this – I was honestly too focused on your policies to pay much attention to your wife. I mean – she’s lovely, but she wasn’t running for president! However, some people care more about dragging you down than they do about the actual issues facing America. So they’ve started posting naked pictures of your wife on Facebook. There are various captions, but they all have the same basic message: that our new First Lady is…not exactly what a First Lady should be. Except many of them use crude and hateful language to express that point.

Donald, I want you to know that I am completely repulsed by this, as I’m sure you are as well. I stand with you in support of Melania. First, it’s cowardly to attack you by attacking your wife. She’s not going to be the leader of the free world – YOU are. So if people have a problem with you, they should take it up with you. Second, it’s unfounded. These people don’t know anything about Melania, and to make assumptions about her sexuality based on her appearance or professional portfolio is unfair and wrong.

But most importantly, it’s misogynistic. These attacks are based on the assumption that Melania is promiscuous, which is doubtlessly false. However, the truth or falsehood of this assumption is irrelevant. Because Melania is being subjected to censure and ridicule in a way that no man would ever be. In our society, men are not shamed for their sexual behavior – our language doesn’t even have derogatory terms to describe promiscuous men. Bo-ho? Please. In many circles, men who have sex with lots of women are lauded as “players,” or at worst gently teased as “dogs.” But women? Women who have sex with lots of men are maligned as sluts, whores, tramps, harlots, tarts…need I go on? Some people think that’s okay – that if you sleep around, you get what you deserve. But berating women as sluts for behavior that is perfectly acceptable in men? That’s the very definition of a double standard, and it is NOT OKAY.

Now let me be clear: I know that Melania is NOT a slut. However, the crazy thing is that you don’t need to be a slut to get branded as one. Women get called sluts even WITHOUT having sex with lots of men, as poor Melania knows all too well by now. We get called sluts for wearing too much makeup, or clothes that are too revealing, or by acting too provocatively. For staying out too late, or visiting the wrong bar. For being too desirable to men, even when we to nothing to encourage that desire. Ironically, I have been called a slut for REFUSING a man! Here is a condensed account of an actual conversation I had with an allegedly human male:

Him: Hey – do you wanna have sex with me?

Me: No.

Him: F&$*ing WHORE!!!

Me: ???

The thing is, Donald - sometimes we get called sluts JUST FOR BEING WOMEN. Labels like “slut” are used to hurt us, to oppress us, and in some cases to justify assaulting or raping us. It’s called “slut-shaming” (though the term makes me cringe), and it’s horrible, and I think it’s heartbreaking that it’s happening to Melania.

I know you’ve sometimes made remarks that people have interpreted as sexist. I’m sure that you were just joking around – America would never elect an actual sexist to it’s highest office. But in light of what’s happening to Melania right now, I bet that you can understand why women (and enlightened men) didn’t always get the joke. I’m certain that this experience will prevent you from objectifying women or making lewd remarks about us ever again, even in jest.

I don’t know Melania, but if I can help extend any support to her during this difficult time, I’d be honored. I haven’t been subjected to what she’s experiencing at quite this level, but I assure you – EVERY woman can relate.

With warmest wishes,

Jules